i'm tired, i'm done, i'm through. fuck life. fuck god. fuck you.

i fucking hate everyone and i cant even explain how tired i am with life. i hate it so damn much. i'm so done pretending to be happy, i'm so over pretending to have a great life with great friends and a bright future ahead of me. I'M FUCKING STUPID. i suck at all the bullshit i try doing and i honestly just wish i could fucking die already. i obviously have no fucking purpose in this pathetic world, so why the fuck am i here in the first place???? why the fuck do i have to live through all of this bullshit and ever get any sort of symbol of it getting better? i'm stressed out with absolutely everything right now. school sucks. i'm never getting my perfect grades back, i'm never going to be the same fucking raquel everyone always picked because she was smart, i'm never going to do any honor society bs and actually excell in my classes. why? because i'm a fucking moron and i ruined it all. my family's falling apart, everyone hates eachother and i dont know what the fuck to do, what the fuck to think. i have a self-centered boyfriend that probably only cares about his damn self. how horrible his cute little life is and how depressed he is. WHAT THE FUCK?! some fucking morons honestly dont know how fucking hard it is to be alone in this fucking world, to not be able to wake up their parents to talk to them...to have them literally tell them THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT. i have to do things. i have to go to school, i have to get a job, i have to do something. in yet he can manage to do absolutely nothing and still be loved by his family so much? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG? why the fuck can he not appreciate that and stop bitching about his horrible life because it only makes me feel like shit when i think about how mine's a lot worse. and he wants to marry me??? and he wants to move out with me???? obviously not. if he honestly wanted to, he would work and try to prove how badly he wants to accomplish that. he doesnt. he sits there...like always. "thats all he's ever done since ive known him, dont expect to change him." and the sad part is that shes probably fucking right. i love him, but i cant wait forever.  i wont fucking wait. wtf did i do? why the hell do i keep getting all this shit thrown at me???? i'm done. i dont care. i'm tired of doing shit right and never get anything in return. should i just turn into a fucking alcoholic and smoke my brains out????? that obviously seems to be working for everyone else. at least their lives arent as pathetic as mine. i am officially done with everything. i am seriously tired of doing things right and obeying everything only to get douched on by fucking life. i will smoke, i will drink, i will fuck whoever the hell i want to, and i will certainly stop getting worked up with other people.

if thats what it fucking takes, then so be it. i'm done.