I hate so many things about my life. I almost want to say I hate my life altogether. I feel like no one can understand me, or even tries to. I try to talk to them but I always get bs in return. They tell me what I should do and how I should do it. They don't even know what my problem is, though. I have stupid friends that only worry about themselves. I know stupid people that only come to me when they have a problem and when I go to them, they're busy, or they think they have my life figured out. There's so many things about me that only I know. Whoever says they know me the best has no idea of half the things that rush through my head. I doubt anyone really knows me. My life is weird, it's so stupid. Life in general honestly seems worthless sometimes. I keep trying and trying, and nothing gets better. It's always shitty. Trying doesn't matter. Caring doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I don't know if there really is a God, and I sometimes wonder that, if he exists, why I have to have such a pathetic life. I'm in a retarded situation and don't know what to do. Grant and Justin are both great, and the last thing I want to do is hurt either one of them. What if they just give up? I know that either one could easily replace me, I'm nothing special. And even though I feel stupid about it afterwards, I think about the stupidest shit when I'm in this mood. If there's thousands of people that die each day, and sooo many of them are good people and have wonderful families and great lives...why can't He take me? Why does He take good people and leave losers like me to waste space? It's torture. I don't do anything, I don't affect anyone greatly, no one will die because I'm missing. I don't do anything, I never have and I never will.

If God honestly does exist, why can't He take me away from this pathetic life? I never asked to live.  

Cancer (June 21 - July 23)